I used to be very taboo about talking about death, thinking that talking about death was an ominous topic, and I always didn't think about it with an avoidant mentality, so I created the illusion that I could live for a long time, so that I was really not diligent enough in my practice, wasting my time on many meaningless things, and being led by all kinds of ordinary people's hearts.
In fact, I am over half a hundred years old, and I really don't have much time left. After seeing it clearly, I realized that the reality is very cruel, and if you don't practice diligently, where your life will go is really not optimistic. Thinking that I had no chance to hear the Dharma in the first half of my life, I had wasted the most precious time. Now that we have the opportunity to meet the third-level cultivation and meet the mentor, we should not only be grateful, but also diligently, abide in the study, block the evil deeds, and follow the brothers to develop bodhichitta and practice bodhisattva behavior.
Impermanence is always by my side, just look at the news and the new crown epidemic. Who would have thought of this impermanence a few years ago? It is often said that plans do not change quickly, but are impermanent. During this time, I experienced a relatively profound experience of thinking about the impermanence of death because of my personal illness. There are three tumors in the early examination, and then the review is constantly re-examined. Thinking that I might be dying, I even put down my usual love of painting, and all my plans were stranded. I really feel that when the King of Death appears, everything is illusory and unreal, and even the closest relatives can't help. I feel like a person who sinks to the bottom of the water and is about to suffocate, desperately trying to grab the floating circle above his head, which is the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas and the Three Jewels.
I kept chanting the Buddha's name on the way to the hospital, and I looked like I was cramming. I had an MR MRI that day, because it was the first time I did it, lying in a completely closed thick pipe, the doctor was afraid that I would move around, so he tied my upper body, and added a buckle to my chest, plus I wore two layers of masks, I really felt a little unable to breathe. I visualized that lying in the incinerator when I died might be like this, my whole body couldn't move even if I wanted to, and I couldn't scream even if I wanted to, so I quickly recited the Buddha's name, only the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas were the ultimate support, and then slowly calmed down, and my heartbeat slowly slowed down.
Unexpectedly, this illness will become an increase in my learning to think about the impermanence of death. Now I have basically started to eat vegetarian food, and when I do regular classes, I visualize the beings in my body, because the Buddha said that our body is a cluster of insects. When the teacher led the recitation of the repentance and the Seven Buddhas' mantra for eradicating sins, I sincerely apologized and repented to the beings in my body, and sincerely repented to the beings I had harmed since the beginninglessness. The seven offerings made me feel the blessing power of all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. When reciting the three refuges, visualize yourself leading the beings of the six realms to take refuge together.
Fixing lessons is a great gift from the tutor to all of us. Through this period of illness and the experience of thinking about death, I realized that if I did not strengthen my practice, my mind was unstable, and my good deeds did not grow, I would be very flustered when I was about to die. The thought of the impermanence of death made me let go of my greed for fame, fortune and wealth in the world. I wish to diligently practice good deeds in the future, block evil deeds, seize the time, and practice diligently.
